Time Bandit Magazine

I wish I could have been at this opening, the gates into a fantasy land. Oh yes, the Creation Museum has opened. Here is a link to a lucky dude who got to go:

http://www.salon.com/

Here is us ruthlessly using fair use to set the tone:

The museum’s 49 acres of carefully landscaped grounds are encircled by a tall metal fence. Visitors tempted to enter without paying will be discouraged by armed guards in black state-trooper-like uniforms and attack dogs.

Really? You need attack dogs at the Creation Museum? That is some heavy shit, like Rottweilers for Jesus. Heaven forbid God’s word reaches some poor folk, we know how he’d hate that.

On the other hand, he says, the Book of Genesis is true “from the first word to the last.”

Really? All of Genesis? I take you up on that! Then what about:

Genesis 6 1:4

1 When men began to multiply on earth and daughters were born to them,
2 the sons of heaven saw how beautiful the daughters of man were, and so they took for their wives as many of them as they chose.
3 Then the LORD said: “My spirit shall not remain in man forever, since he is but flesh. His days shall comprise one hundred and twenty years.”
4 At that time the Nephilim appeared on earth (as well as later), after the sons of heaven had intercourse with the daughters of man, who bore them sons. They were the heroes of old, the men of renown.

In case you are wondering,

Sons of Heaven: The sons of heaven: literally “the sons of the gods” or “the sons of God,” i.e., the celestial beings of mythology.
Nephilim: Perhaps the huge megalithic structures in Palestine were thought to have been built by a race of giants, whose superhuman strength was attributed to semi-divine origin. The heroes of old: the legendary worthies of ancient mythology.

So, if you are serious and every part of Genesis is true, I cannot what to see the exhibit of the Titans from Greek mythology having their way with our fair maidens. Make that shit big, son, I want a towering 20 ft Kronos whispering onto some chick’s ear that he’s gonna come at her like a swan.

I expect this exhibit by Christmas, to make little baby Jesus happy.

Moving on, here is a bit of insanity:

At the Creation exhibit, two young T. rexes peacefully watch fish swim in a placid pond. Two curly-haired robotic kids play nearby.

Missing from the exhibit was the overwhelming horror show that happens seconds later as the T Rexes enjoy the choice cuts of tender young human sweet meats. Just imagine a lot of blood, screaming and maybe even some crying.

Here is a mind-fuck for this people:

Not so, says Looy. “They all had to exist at the same time because they were all made on the same day. There may not be any fossil evidence showing dinosaurs and people in the same place at the same time. But it is clearly written that they were alive at the same time.“

So what you are suggesting then, if fossil ages are the same for dinosaurs and humans, then fossil fuels are the same age for dinosaurs and humans. My god, we are all running our cars off the bodies of our ancestors! Just think, next time you fill up the tank, it’s a family affair. The soylent green of fuels.

And last, but not least, a last kiss good-bye before we leave their magical kingdom of bunnies, rainbows, ponies and maybe even touch of love from Jesus, himself:

The entire exhibit, in fact, is awfully grim. A montage slide show of fetuses, starving kids, swastikas, tourniquet-bound arms ready for the needle bombard the wall in a room with a soundtrack of blaring sirens, boots marching in unison, and crying kids. In the middle of this urban mess is a big wrecking ball with the words “Millions of Years” carved into it. Ham blames the notion that the Earth is quite a bit older than the Bible suggests for just about all the world’s problems. Evolution, which requires large amounts of time for small changes to accumulate into larger ones, makes it far too easy for people not to believe the Bible, he says. And that loss of belief “is at the root of modern evil.”

Funny, dude, I know some people who say: Blind belief is at the root of all evil.