Time Bandit Magazine

They really speak for themselves.

What we learn is that bad people look like good people, but never vice versa. And basically don’t talk to anyone, because they are gonna offer you candy, or puppies or ponies or some shit to lure you into their horror den. But there is good advice, like if a dude stops and asks you to get into his car so he can take you to his shed, you say no. Hopefully though, to a kid this would already sound like a bad idea.

Okay, the movie sequence has to the height of the waywardness. So it’s in the dark where bad people try bad things, and the Cautious Twins in a serious lapse of judgment have sat between the very caricature of a 50’s kiddy fiddler. Nice. So they hustle the fuck out of there after a bit of the old grabby grabby and on their way home it gets rough. Doren got worked by this dude in the lobby, and then on the street some dude grabbed Dan that required some police intervention. And they aren’t even halfway home. Then the puppy test, from a car driven by a young Hunter S. Thompson.

Then they decided not to walk into the dark alley where bad things happen in bad movies. And basically live in total mortal fear of the outside world, so they get home. And according to this film, that’s the only truly safe place in the world.

blogging from the wii

for reals

O

A crocodile at a zoo in the southern Taiwan city of Kaohsiung holds the forearm of a zoo veterinarian in between its teeth, April 11, 2007. The crocodile bit off the arm of the zoo veterinarian treating it, an official reported.

http://news.yahoo.com/photos/

Let this be a lesson to everyone, Crocodiles do not make great pets.

Oh so, holy shit, this gets better. They re-attached his fucking arm! Not shitting you:

Taiwanese zookeeper Chang Po-yu waves from his hospital bed, Thursday, April 12, 2007, in Kaohsiung, 350 kilometers (217 miles) south west of Taipei, Taiwan. Surgeons reattached Chang’s forearm Thursday after a 200-kilogram (440-pound) Nile crocodile chomped it off and colleagues recovered the limb from the reptile’s mouth. The forearm was reattached following seven hours of surgery. The Liberty Times newspaper said Chang failed to notice that the crocodile was not fully anesthetized when he stuck his arm through an iron rail to medicate it.

 Now that is a hard day at the office. 

Let this speak for itself.

This guy thinks so:

But how does he not know these are shrieks of pain and agony? The logical jump this dude is making is that animals have the exact same perspective of the world as we do. Maybe our pain is a rat’s joy, and the joy of rat’s are our pain. Like when they sneak into houses and eat babies.

Gonna make this short and sweet, because I am really getting pissed off. I am tired of al Qaida being trotted out everytime the Iraqi Civil War escalates.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18072203/

“Maj. Gen. William Caldwell said witness accounts indicated a suicide attack. “We don’t know at this point who it was. We do know in the past that suicide vests have been used predominantly by al-Qaida,” the U.S. military spokesman said in an Associated Press broadcast interview.”

Bullshit.

This is a civil war we started. Iraq is the fucking Yugoslavia of the Middle East, all drawn up by mad insane English cartographers. Like Yugoslavia, it is made up of ethnic groups who have, and probably never will, really get along. And like Yugoslavia needed Josip Tito to hold together, Iraq needed Saddam Hussein as their strongman. But we killed him, and without a Plan 4.

That is the biggest fuck up ever.

http://www.realcities.com/mld/krwashington/9927782.htm

Franks’ Central Command did have an extensive plan to restore order and begin rebuilding the country, called Operation Desert Crossing, said retired Marine Gen. Anthony Zinni, who drew up the plan and updated it continuously when he led Centcom until 2000. It was never utilized.

We all know what happened to General Zinni.

Disbanding the Iraqi Army and police comes a close second in the fuck up department. This cost us the only organization that had a command structure that included every ethnic group in the country. From here we could have rebuilt the country using an existing asset for both security and development. But no, we fucked this up too:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/ac2/wp-dyn/A63423-2003Nov19?language=printer
Before the war, President Bush approved a plan that would have put several hundred thousand Iraqi soldiers on the U.S. payroll and kept them available to provide security, repair roads and prepare for unforeseen postwar tasks. But that project was stopped abruptly in late May by L. Paul Bremer, the U.S. administrator in Iraq, who ordered the demobilization of Iraq’s entire army, including largely apolitical conscripts.

Bremer reversed himself a month later, but by then the occupation had lost not merely time and momentum but also credibility among former soldiers and their families, an important segment of Iraq’s population.

Now, the Americans are trying to recover — including rehiring some of the same soldiers they demobilized — at what one top Defense Department official called “warp speed.” And while the administration’s handling of the Iraqi army has been widely viewed as a fundamental decision of the occupation, a number of U.S. officials and analysts are saying it was fundamentally wrong.

“This was a mistake, to dissolve the army and the police,” said Ayad Alawi, head of the security committee of the Iraqi Governing Council. “We absolutely not only lost time. The vacuum allowed our enemies to regroup and to infiltrate the country.”

So without a plan and making the worst occuptation mistake outside of wrapping a Mohammad statue in pigskin, everyone seemed shocked to watch Iraq turn into a killing field. This is Bush’s fault, because he is the Commander and Chief, not matter how hard he looks for a War Czar fall guy.

And instead of owning up to the mistakes that have lead to the current day blood bath, Bush and the Gang trots out al-Qaida every time their fucking idoitic mistakes leads to a new and astounding atrocity. Thank God General Caldwell is on message for them and the MSM picked it up.

Besides the fact that this boming, of the fucking Parliment building no less, shows that McCain is a liar, it also shows the “Surge” is nothing but political theater for the masses demanding red red meat.

But no surge, no more troops, not even a coalition of the willing can stop the bloodshed in Iraq. It is a Civil War, and will be a Civil War until we let the Iraqis sort it out for themselves.

We had our chance, but without a Phase 4 and dissolving the in-place security apparatus, we dropped the ball and lost all credibility and became an occupation force.

So please, Bush and the Gang and the MSM, do not trot out al-Qaida as a bogeyman to scare us off from looking under the curtain. This is a fucking civil war that you started because you are to fucking stupid to even invade one of our client states correctly.

To repeat, this is a civil war, not al-Qaida.

Take your memes and STFU.

This is what our open threads will look like.

One bone I have always picked with America is everyone’s need to sue, sue and then sue some more. Whenever things don’t go our way, we expect the legal wing of the nanny state to keep us safe and warm, like a fuzzy. Take this knucklehead:

MySpace Sued for Deleting Profiles (Updated)

Brian Mora alleges in his complaint (.pdf) that MySpace deleted his account twice, in October and November, on the false grounds that he’d violated the MySpace terms of service. In truth, he says, he was kicked off the site “because an administrator … simply disliked something displayed on the petitioner’s profile.” His case is filed in U.S. District Court in the Western District of Missouri.

Mora’s seeking a court order to force MySpace to stop interfering with his “freedom of lawful speech and expression” as well as his support of certain, intriguingly-unnamed political candidates. Elsewhere, in a message board post, Mora vows that when he wins his suit and owns MySpace-parent company News Corp. he’ll move Fox News’ coverage further to the right.

Okay, MySpace is not the public green. It is a corporation looking to make bank. This is like complaining that the local paper will not print your Letter to the Editor. Well, Mr. Mora, here is a virtual love letter meant straight for your heart, STFU. If you don’t like it, start your own damn blog and/or social networking site.

The world, both real and virtual, does not have to tailor itself to your very whim. This is like saying since ICanACheeseBurger didn’t post your LOLCat, you are going to take them to court to post your pussy. See, while MySpace and countless other social networking sites love to have you around to generate traffic for their sponsors, they are not required to put up with bullshit. So instead of being an American and starting your own endeavour into the virtual frontier, you act like a Nazi. Yes, I said Nazi. Why?

Mr. MorA, if you move Fox News’ coverage further to the right, you are in Goebbels country. So really, STFU.