Time Bandit Magazine

Gonna make this short and sweet, because I am really getting pissed off. I am tired of al Qaida being trotted out everytime the Iraqi Civil War escalates.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18072203/

“Maj. Gen. William Caldwell said witness accounts indicated a suicide attack. “We don’t know at this point who it was. We do know in the past that suicide vests have been used predominantly by al-Qaida,” the U.S. military spokesman said in an Associated Press broadcast interview.”

Bullshit.

This is a civil war we started. Iraq is the fucking Yugoslavia of the Middle East, all drawn up by mad insane English cartographers. Like Yugoslavia, it is made up of ethnic groups who have, and probably never will, really get along. And like Yugoslavia needed Josip Tito to hold together, Iraq needed Saddam Hussein as their strongman. But we killed him, and without a Plan 4.

That is the biggest fuck up ever.

http://www.realcities.com/mld/krwashington/9927782.htm

Franks’ Central Command did have an extensive plan to restore order and begin rebuilding the country, called Operation Desert Crossing, said retired Marine Gen. Anthony Zinni, who drew up the plan and updated it continuously when he led Centcom until 2000. It was never utilized.

We all know what happened to General Zinni.

Disbanding the Iraqi Army and police comes a close second in the fuck up department. This cost us the only organization that had a command structure that included every ethnic group in the country. From here we could have rebuilt the country using an existing asset for both security and development. But no, we fucked this up too:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/ac2/wp-dyn/A63423-2003Nov19?language=printer
Before the war, President Bush approved a plan that would have put several hundred thousand Iraqi soldiers on the U.S. payroll and kept them available to provide security, repair roads and prepare for unforeseen postwar tasks. But that project was stopped abruptly in late May by L. Paul Bremer, the U.S. administrator in Iraq, who ordered the demobilization of Iraq’s entire army, including largely apolitical conscripts.

Bremer reversed himself a month later, but by then the occupation had lost not merely time and momentum but also credibility among former soldiers and their families, an important segment of Iraq’s population.

Now, the Americans are trying to recover — including rehiring some of the same soldiers they demobilized — at what one top Defense Department official called “warp speed.” And while the administration’s handling of the Iraqi army has been widely viewed as a fundamental decision of the occupation, a number of U.S. officials and analysts are saying it was fundamentally wrong.

“This was a mistake, to dissolve the army and the police,” said Ayad Alawi, head of the security committee of the Iraqi Governing Council. “We absolutely not only lost time. The vacuum allowed our enemies to regroup and to infiltrate the country.”

So without a plan and making the worst occuptation mistake outside of wrapping a Mohammad statue in pigskin, everyone seemed shocked to watch Iraq turn into a killing field. This is Bush’s fault, because he is the Commander and Chief, not matter how hard he looks for a War Czar fall guy.

And instead of owning up to the mistakes that have lead to the current day blood bath, Bush and the Gang trots out al-Qaida every time their fucking idoitic mistakes leads to a new and astounding atrocity. Thank God General Caldwell is on message for them and the MSM picked it up.

Besides the fact that this boming, of the fucking Parliment building no less, shows that McCain is a liar, it also shows the “Surge” is nothing but political theater for the masses demanding red red meat.

But no surge, no more troops, not even a coalition of the willing can stop the bloodshed in Iraq. It is a Civil War, and will be a Civil War until we let the Iraqis sort it out for themselves.

We had our chance, but without a Phase 4 and dissolving the in-place security apparatus, we dropped the ball and lost all credibility and became an occupation force.

So please, Bush and the Gang and the MSM, do not trot out al-Qaida as a bogeyman to scare us off from looking under the curtain. This is a fucking civil war that you started because you are to fucking stupid to even invade one of our client states correctly.

To repeat, this is a civil war, not al-Qaida.

Take your memes and STFU.

This is what our open threads will look like.

One bone I have always picked with America is everyone’s need to sue, sue and then sue some more. Whenever things don’t go our way, we expect the legal wing of the nanny state to keep us safe and warm, like a fuzzy. Take this knucklehead:

MySpace Sued for Deleting Profiles (Updated)

Brian Mora alleges in his complaint (.pdf) that MySpace deleted his account twice, in October and November, on the false grounds that he’d violated the MySpace terms of service. In truth, he says, he was kicked off the site “because an administrator … simply disliked something displayed on the petitioner’s profile.” His case is filed in U.S. District Court in the Western District of Missouri.

Mora’s seeking a court order to force MySpace to stop interfering with his “freedom of lawful speech and expression” as well as his support of certain, intriguingly-unnamed political candidates. Elsewhere, in a message board post, Mora vows that when he wins his suit and owns MySpace-parent company News Corp. he’ll move Fox News’ coverage further to the right.

Okay, MySpace is not the public green. It is a corporation looking to make bank. This is like complaining that the local paper will not print your Letter to the Editor. Well, Mr. Mora, here is a virtual love letter meant straight for your heart, STFU. If you don’t like it, start your own damn blog and/or social networking site.

The world, both real and virtual, does not have to tailor itself to your very whim. This is like saying since ICanACheeseBurger didn’t post your LOLCat, you are going to take them to court to post your pussy. See, while MySpace and countless other social networking sites love to have you around to generate traffic for their sponsors, they are not required to put up with bullshit. So instead of being an American and starting your own endeavour into the virtual frontier, you act like a Nazi. Yes, I said Nazi. Why?

Mr. MorA, if you move Fox News’ coverage further to the right, you are in Goebbels country. So really, STFU.

We were just happy to be there.

Check this guy out, a french-horn player who goes on solo tramps around the South Island,  New Zealand dressed in 19th-century attire. Police say the cache included five military flares, two anti-personnel mines, eight sticks of Powergel and two cans of black powder. He is also an amateur historian who seems to fancy himself some kind of Indiana Jones. But really now, Indiana Jones would never fall for this one:

“I don’t think anybody’s suggesting there was a high level of culpability associated with this,” Eaton said. “He was looking after (the explosives) for some other person whom he trusted. Some were a bit odd and unless you really had knowledge, you wouldn’t recognise them.”

That old chestnut, nice. Christchurch Symphony concertmaster Jan van den Berg let it be known that this did not reflect on the hallowed orchestra, thank god.

He has been an enthusiastic member of a fringe group, Alf’s Imperial Army. Now that is the real story.

It starts here.

The founding fathers of ALF’s Imperial Army 1973

“The catalyst for this decision came in 1972 when the University Pacifist Society voted to give student money to the Viet Cong! Long an admirer of Viktor Frankl’s “paradoxical intention” therapy and convinced that, since the student leaders were becoming unintentionally paradoxical out of sheer hatred of the USA, the best way to provide therapy for the students as a whole was to form a “paradoxical army” that fought for fun.ALF’s Imperial Army was named after the university reform movement he founded earlier at The University of NSW in Sydney and was consciously part of the ongoing Fun Revolution .

An Imperial Army was designed to be the most radical departure from conventional student politics imaginable. The colour and style of imperialists appealed to the Wizard’s aesthetic tastes as a Living Work of Art . He regarded anti-imperialists as uncouth, puritanical, arrogant, argumentative and, worst of all, shabbily turned out in their khaki battledress and Che Guevara berets. “

This is great social absurdity, an independent variation of the Situationists. This is the kind of student movement I can get behind, wit strikes starker than stones. Looking like the reserves of Sgt. Pepper’s Lone Hearts Club Brigade, this must have been site to behold , a Fun Revolution.

Seems there were several great campaigns by the army, including The Conquering of New Zealand. They even have a plan to attack the USA, all in jest of course. Reads something like this:

“Since the 1970s the Wizard has kept reminding his army that they must not forget that their great mission in life is The Invasion of America. The master plan is to recruit heavily in Canada and then march South over the border.

The Aim is to bring the Yanks back into the Empire, to restore Queen Elizabeth as their legitimate Head of State, to replace their President with a Governor General, to re-establish the Church of England as their state religion, and to secure an apology for the misrepresentation of King George III’s character in The Declaration of Independence. Whether or not the British will burn the White House down for the third time will depend on the Americans’ genuine repentance for their government’s collusion with the Soviet dictator at the Yalta and Tehran Conferences to destroy the British Empire.

This web site is now ready to facilitate the recruitment of traditionalists and loyalists from all over the British Commonwealth, especially from those Canadians horrified by their absorption into the USA. We also expect to gaining allies from discontented Confederate States “rebels” with long memories. Volunteers keen to participate in this noble enterprise should contact the Wizard by e-mail as soon as possible..”

Contact the wizard, dude. Contact the wizard.

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